25 Things I've Learned From My Kids

  1. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
  2. A four-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
  3. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh," it's already too late.
  4. Brake fluid mixed with bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.
  5. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.
  6. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
  7. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
  8. Duplos will not.
  9. Play-doh and microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
  10. Super glue is forever.
  11. MacGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
  12. Ditto Tarzan.
  13. No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
  14. Pool filters do not like Jello.
  15. VCR's do not eject peanut butter and jelly sandwiches even though television commercials show they do.
  16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
  17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
  18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
  19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
  20. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
  21. The fire department in San Diego has at least a five minute response time.
  22. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
  23. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
  24. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
  25. Just because things are quiet does not necessarily mean everything is okay.

I've had enough!